Don't waste your time on some dude who turns out to be a loser in the end. Mar 25, 5.
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If you haven't already, check his background yourself to verify what he has told you. He sounds like a two time felon to me. So yea he appears to be everything you want in a man. A professional woman that apparently can't swim with sharks because if you could you wouldn't have one circling around you getting ready to bite that ass any moment now.
He's probably been leeching off women since he was in prison.
A professional seriously dating a man with a felony?
It might start off all good, but it'll become burdensome quick. Especially after he loses all shame of being needy. It's a good sign that he's in school depending on what you mean by that. The only thing worst them him having a felony is if he has no ambition. I suggest you run, but if you decide to stick around don't give him shit. Don't give him a place to stay and don't give him any money because there's a good chance he's just a leeching ass fraud.
Mar 25, 6. Mar 26, 7. I think it is admirable that you gave this guy a chance. Most women in your position wouldn't. You need to break it off with him since his past is making you uncomfortable. I agree with what the other poster said. Do a background check on him yourself. Your safety is important. Mar 26, 8. You're going to ruin your whole life for some felon dick? Mar 26, 9. I never had no felon dick. Mar 26, Mar 29, I was in a similar situation. He was a cool guy and I gave him a chance but I just couldn't get pass the felony thing. Plus it was a drug charge. I just thought about long term.
If y'all do get married, y'all most likely will never get any kind of loan, prob can't travel out the country, and a slew of other barriers. And also I felt like I could also never bring him home to my parents or feel uneasy about bringing him around my friends so its like what's the point. There are a whole lot of other non-felonious men in the world to choose from so you're not missing out on anything. And what kind of job can he get with a felony conviction? Not a decent or professional one akin to yours. My dude had an electrical engineering degree but did construction cuz those are the only types of jobs felons can get.
You think GM would hire an electrical engineer with a felony record? Especially if its a drug felony. No one is going to hire him cuz employers will think he can't be trusted. Bottom line it's not worth it. Y'all are on 2 different levels professionally and socially. In order for people involved in the schemes to get jail time they need to be considered felonies.
The Federal system has a sentencing code that allows the sentence to be enhanced when there are large sums of money involved and lowered when there are mitigating circumstances such as aiding the FEDS in the investigation after being caught. Unfortunately, people sometimes get caught up in federal crimes by the omission of acts, i. I just hope people can remember that not all felons look like Snidely Whiplash and cackle off into the distance to count their millions. I hope that your brother in law will get some serious consideration in sentencing by aiding the prosecution of the supplier.
Good luck to your sister and her family. Kate B March 7, , Not all felonies are violent, this is true. But, like everyone else, I would need to know what specifically they were before I can give a thorough response. Where is he going? Have you confirmed that he is in fact a student there?
Have you verified exactly what he told you about his offenses? These guys can be very charming when they want to be. Muffy March 7, , Amy P March 7, , A veterinary practice would have lots of interesting drugs lying around, for instance ketamine. SherBear March 7, , And now that you mention ketamine, maybe he has so many felonies because he just wont stop selling drugs.
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And maybe the vet thing is just a new way to try not to get caught? I thought the same thing!!! Are you ready to deal with that? It is hard to be with someone who is incarcerated. It shows a much more disturbing pattern. Its really sad to see, but it happens a lot. And as far as being a vet tech, while individual employers may be willing to give him a chance, there are a lot of drugs available there that might stop employers from trusting him.
If any of his crimes had to do with drugs, this is a concern — not only for employment, but for you. Is he a drug addict? In addition to considering the possible future of him or you or the two of you together, consider this: They will find out eventually. I did lose a lot of friends because of it. It can get lonely and painful. I just think you should seriously consider all of the possible factors and how you will handle them. It is a lot harder than it looks.
Of course, its possible that he is truly reformed and will never get into trouble, but that may always be nagging at you in the back of your mind. LW, if you need to talk to anyone, please let me know. If you go to my blog by clicking on my name , there is a link on there to email me. Visharoo March 7, , My dad became a felon many many years ago when he worked at a casino. He was stealing chips and then cashing them in at a sister casino. It made our lives very difficult and money was always tight.
To put it in perspective, my dad could barely work at Walmart and Kmart after his felony. LW, this is something that you really have to consider if you want a future with this guy. Most large companies do background checks but small companies like doctor owned vet will not have the time or the funds to do it. Monday I walked away with two bags of pre-mixed valium syringes for my one dog.
I read that as viagra and re-read it again, still viagra. You cannot imagine the thoughts that were going on in my head. I canpt really picture a hard core criminal saying he has been convicted of a felony just to be honest. Yes, there are consequences to lying on those forms. Some big, some minor, all depends on where you are, what job, etc. Visharoo March 7, , 2: If you get hired after you withhold any felony information it is grounds for immediate dismissal.
Dating someone with a serious criminal record
HmC March 7, , How long have you known him? What, exactly, were his crimes, and how open and honest has he been about them? What is his attitude towards his record- does he take responsibility and vow to change? Has he behaved in ways that indicate he is actually changing? I feel like the answers to these questions must be bad, or you would have included them.
Please just keep in mind that whatever crazy connection you think you feel with this guy, you barely know him at this point. There are other guys you will feel a connection with too, if you choose to. What the crimes are and when they happened certainly matter. The fact that there are four felonies and countless misdemeanors matters, too. One of the big red flags for me is that this is your second gut with a criminal history. In fact, I would probably enjoy it because he could hook me up!
But if he has charges like assault, rape, or burglary I would definitely have a problem with that because those things go against MY moral code. You do have valid concerns as to his ability to find employment, so I would research that if I were you. Having a partner with a job is important. They would have me married off to a Baptist pastor and tied down with at least 4 kids, no job or college degree. If this guy makes you happy, eff what your family thinks. Thumbs up for making it a matter of ethics instead of law. I think that part is very important.
I agree on the pot dealer point too, but most people do it for years without even a neighbor suspecting. So I think if all his felonies are drug-related he must be aiming too high, very violent in the process, or incredibly stupid. It totally depends on the crime. Once is lapse in judgement, multiple times is character flaw. Sometimes when reading these letters, I really think there are only about available men on the entire planet and all these poor LWs know it.
GertietheDino March 7, , It is going to very difficult to build a life with this man if she so chooses. And why did she not go into the details of his crimes? Did she leave that out to justify dating a convicted felon? Do you really want that hanging over your life? No — Honey, move on.
He may be lovely, but there are plenty of lovely men out there, plenty who are not felons. When someone glosses over what a criminal has done, it shows me that the relationship is probably not going to work out. What exactly did this guy do? What did he do to rectify the problem?
How long has he gone crime free? A felon could be anything from a murderer to a Ponzi-schemer. A armed robber to a hacker. Drugs could be involved or no. The fact that you have glossed over his crimes suggests to me that they were pretty bad, and his idea of being a vet tech worries me. He will have access to drugs meant for animals that can be used on humans to sedate them.
He could very well be the one to put Fido down. It speaks volumes to your self-esteem. Renee March 7, , 1: I have a felon violence, while intoxicated in the family. When he got out, the family got him back on his feet. Doing well now, but again lots of encouragement and support. When he go out, I even sent him a gift card to Wal-mart for anything he may of needed. A show of caring, that he can turn him life around. Of course they were pretty bad.
Four felonies is bad. LW says one of felonies was more serious. Plus he has several misdemeanors on top of the four felonies. About the tamest scenario I can imagine is that he has a few misdemeanors for drug use and then was busted for dealing. If he resisted arrest and had a gun, that gets you close to, but not yet up to his felony total. Does she find the danger and hint of violence arousing? Suzanne March 7, , She uses that term herself! There is your answer!
Whether or not you end up sticking with him, you HAVE to know that just because you feel this connection with this guy, does NOT mean that he is the only man you will ever find a connection with. There are lots of guys out there that will love you for you without any type of record at all.
You yourself say that you are not convinced when he says that he is able to get a job in his field. And girl, these are legitimate concerns! Before you make the decision though, I think you should do a few things. Also, along with the idea above of seeing a therapist to understand why you are attracted to the bad boys, you might wanna find someone lawyer-y to talk to. Someone who would know and understand and be able to explain to you the limitations that this guy will put on you.
He might not get them all, and he might lie to you. Em March 7, , People can change after being convicted of serious crimes. My father has quite a few misdemeanors and one felony in his record. Most are drug related, a few for breaking and entering and some other stuff. Obviously dating someone with convictions will be tough. Not everybody with a record will turn their lives around. Has he taken steps to rehabilitate himself therapy, rehab, community service, etc? Is he trying to be a better person?
Iwannatalktosampson March 7, , 1: Okay so I have to bring this up since so many of the comments focus on it. A lot of commenters seem to feel that it makes a difference if he was charged with a violent crime or a drug crime. But does it really matter? To me being convicted of multiple felonies is a huge character flaw regardless of what the felony was for.
I mean I live in Colorado — I am clearly not against drug use. But to be convicted of a felony you either have to have done a small thing multiple times or a big thing once. For example if you are convicted of doing something small — selling weed — multiple times, why is that okay? I am fine with people smoking weed.
My ex is dating a felon
I would be more concerned that the person I was dating was dumb enough to get caught. And dumb enough to get caught multiple times. The inability to obey the law to me is a character flaw within itself. If you want to smoke weed in your house then fine. But if you are convicted of a felony for it it you have to have been caught multiple times. To me that takes it from recreational usage to someone that has a serious problem. Best case scenario he has some drug charges that added up to felonies.
These are not great qualities. Worst case scenario his felony is for some violent crime. Bottom line — they cheated. I remember when I was having a brief fling with a guy that was fizzling out he tried to convince me to stay by saying he was extremely faithful and had never cheated on a girlfriend. I was like really?
To me at least — another bare minimum to have a healthy relationship is that you can create a future together — which will be really hard with this guy. I have no problem with drug use and think the laws against it are ridiculous — but if someone gets in trouble with the law once, they should want to avoid getting in trouble again. I was thinking along these lines the whole time I was reading it, but wondering if my standards were too high.
I would certainly be concerned with someone dumb enough to get caught multiple times. I will never be okay creating a future with someone with a criminal record. I understand people come from different places geographically, socially, psychologically, etc. GatorGirl March 7, , 1: I find this whole comment to be strange.
Generally speaking in the US smoking weed, selling weed or possesing weed is illegal. You say an inability to follow the law is a charactor flaw in the same breath you say smoking weed is ok in your book. This is a pretty big contradiction to me. Iwannatalktosampson March 7, , 2: Well in Colorado smoking weed is legal. But selling is not legal. So the inability to follow the law and not ruin your future is a character flaw with me.
If you can do things that otherwise might be considered illegal smoking weed in other places and not get caught — so it has no effect on your life — then go for it. Something that is supposed to be recreational should never ruin your future. So if that is a risk he should have stopped after the first time — and his choosing not to is the character flaw with me.
So why all the speculation? GatorGirl March 7, , 2: It is really strange. It is still federally illegal here, but state legal. Only California and Colorado I think chose to. Which is a joke. But anyway, maybe 6 months ago september I think the feds starting shutting down the dispencaries in California, so Colorado is pretty much on notice that they will get shut down soon too. MandaNoA March 7, , 3: I live in Michigan.
It is illegal to sell it but it is not illegal to grow for your own consumption. Mlippart March 7, , 1: LW, there are tons of wonderful people in the world. And many of them do NOT have multiple felonies and dubious job prospects. Regardless of what the other commenters are saying about nitpicking and drawing crooked lines, it is up to you to decide what priors are acceptable to you or not.
However, you should think about a few things that dating a felon brings about:. Familial and community acceptance. It depends on your state and his convictions, but my ex was unable to rent a decent apartment in a safe neighborhood. If we had moved in together, the lease would always have to be in my name. Yes, Vet techs are not bound by the same laws as, say, medical assistants. However, he has to put in his job applications that he is a convicted felon, and that means he is always going to be put at the bottom of the totem pole in comparison to all other non-convict job applicants.
It will be exceptionally hard for him to find a decent job. It does NOT matter what kind of person he is — prison has affected his psyche. He had a hard time keeping himself calm whenever he felt threatened. My ex was always able to control himself, but it was a little disturbing to see that side of him whenever we would have an argument. Men who have been in prison are very distrustful of others, and sensitive to being disrespected.
It is all dependent on the individual, but it is guaranteed that your man is not going to be quite the same as regular civilians. Can you handle that, for the rest of your life? Lucy March 7, , 3: Sue Jones March 7, , 2: Just as easy to fall in love with someone with a clean record vs. You do not need that in your life. A girl really has to have standards, and you my dear really need to raise yours!
Elle March 7, , 3: He was an addict and alcoholic at the time. It has never impacted his career negatively, although it comes up in background checks, and occasionally he gets asked to take an extra drug test. The only way you will know whether his career is severely limited is basically to wait and see. I let them get to know and love him without telling them anything about his background. By the time his background came out in dribs and drabs years later, it had become irrelevant to their opinion of him.
Goodness knows, I am a big believer that people have the ablitity to grow, change, and redeem themselves from previous mistakes, even if they are terrible massive mistakes. I will say, even if he his mistakes are well and truly in the past, there is a lot of logistical baggage that comes with being with someone with a bad record, from societal judgment, to job opportunties, to potential housing restrictions.
So think about this one hard. He may be a wonderful man, but there are some massive drawbacks and you have every right to be wary of them. AlexisKS March 7, , 5: This letter made me think of something I read on the Hairpin last week: This one sounds like a dick. Get a new one. RiLooyah March 7, , 8: Long time Lurker, 1st time poster.
Look, Im a criminal defense attorney, and I can see both sides of this. Most importantly to what you want to do going forward, LW is how long ago these crimes were committed, and what kind of employment he has had since getting out. I do seriosuly believe that our criminal justice system is too harsh overall, especially for non-violent and drug-related crimes. And no matter how adamantly a client proclaims that he is going to be on the straight and narrow after this last charge, etc, etc, most of them end up calling me again.
Bottom line, it is your decision and yours only whether this relationship is worth it to you. Will he have problems with employment? More likely than not. Figure it out for yourself how worth it his past is to you.
My ex is dating a felon
Look into whether he is emmployable after school- which you need to talk with him about too. Ok, I could have edited that a bit better. Mz Hanshaw September 23, , Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment. I am currently dating and falling in love with a felon. He is funny, cute, smart, and we get along together like peanut butter and jelly. Unfortunately, he has told me he has a bad record.
He is a felon with not just one, but four felonies, one being serious, plus multiple misdemeanors. He is currently attending school to be a veterinary technician and said he is able to get a job in that field regardless of his background, but I am not convinced. I love everything about him, but I know already my friends and family will not accept him with this background and they would tell me I need to get out of this toxic relationship. Should I stay for the long haul and jump the hurdles with him or flee and never look back?
But then NJ does not have a different between felonies of misdemenors. Demeter has Playdoh scented perfume. I think they have paint too. But in this case, I really, really think you should just MOA.